The trees are alive!

I got no mail again!   So, I'm super sad and traumatized...   I’ve been waiting all week (and it's been a SUPER long wait) to come and check my email since I didn't get any last week cuz the stupid box was full, and now what?!   It sucks. Anyway, Not a good way to start off my writing to you, I'm sorry, Haha.   Let me start again...   I LOVE YOU!
It's a little cold and rainy today.   No complaining though cuz spring has totally sprung!   Yay!   Instead of fried and peeling skin from the arctic blizzards we have really dirty wind.   But there's sun!   Not today, but most of the week.   :)   Sooooo unlike me, but I actually noticed that on all the black gnarled trees are buds.   They live!   So it should be fun to see Peter when it's green. 

Everyone here is on roller blades now that it's warm.   hahahahahaha!   Totally 90's or like Saved By the Bell.   :) Too bad it's neelzya (not allowed) for us missionaries.   We've been walking a lot lately, which I totally love.   Instead of riding the metro, we've been walking from metro to metro, and it's interesting to see how everything is connected.   And I'm getting a little well-needed exercise.   And I die every night when I go home.   We're working hard, and despite our MAJOR differences, Varygina (my comp) and I are getting along really well.   There are little problems here and there, but I think she sees how badly I want to work, so she respects me a little more this time around and we're getting along really well through the gospel.   That's the way it works.   :)   The gospel brings people together.   It rocks.   

The other day we were walking and we had to cross a really big busy street.   At a break in the cars, I thought for sure we could make it across the first section of the street, but as I stepped off the curb I realized a car was coming way too fast for me to make it and my comp let out a blood curdling scream.   It was funny, cuz even tho she screamed, she followed me off the curb into the street.   I don't know, I think you had to be there for the full effect.   It was super hilarious!   We finally made it across safely, but I was DYING laughing cuz she thought I was gonna die, but followed me to death as well.   Her scream still makes me laugh.

Did I tell you that Varygina got lice while she was in Pskov too?!   hahaha she said that her comp did too, and when sister P. went down for an exchange for one day, she got it too!   Nightmare.   But I'm not alone.   Haha

The other day at English practice, a black African guy cruised into my class.   His name is Gabriel and he's from Nigeria.   I freaking love black people.   They're just so spiritual and ready for the gospel.   We were wondering why the heck he was there cuz his native language is English.   He later told us he was given one of our English invites on the street and felt he HAD to come.   The next day after English (in English we had talked a lot about the church and gave the first lesson cuz a guy asked about it,) he came to church.   It was fast and testimony meeting and at the end, he got up to bear his testimony!   But the Branch Prez stood up and said we didn't have time.   UM!>!?!?!>!>!>!   I was so angry!   How about we cut one verse out of the 4 verse song we sang!   Frustrating.   

But afterwards, Gabriel said that the night before he had thought about how we had talked about Joseph Smith in English class, and how Joseph had read James 1:5 and asked God.   He said he wanted to do the same thing, cuz he felt something special.   He asked God to wake him up the next day if he was meant to go to church.   He didn't set his alarm, but said he woke up at 9 o'clock sharp, which was a miracle for him.   He said that during testimony meeting, which was all in Russian by the way, he felt and KNEW that this church was true, and that he was meant to be there.   ....   omg.   I love these miracles! 

Yesterday was zone conference, and it was super good!   It was all about testifying.   I loved it.   And we got to testify, of course.   It was funny, President asked me to pray again unexpectedly, out of EVERYONE there!   Haha, everyone kept asking me "don't you pray at every conference?"   And it's always unplanned, which is weird, cuz they always assign things before the conference.   Anyway, way funny.   And it was a really good spiritual conference.

I love and miss you all so much!   I love my mission and the work I'm able to do here!   I seriously hope that I can do half as much for the people here as I am receiving from serving them.   I love you!

PS--I liked this: 
Proverbs 4:23   keep thy heart with all diligence, for out of it are the issues of life.  (written April 10, 2008)

Cats in the Hermitage

I am HOPING spring has sprung, but the weather already faked us out once before, so we'll see.   

We had transfers.   As you see, I’m not typing for joy or anything, but what can you do.   I really want to go to k-grad, but I think because I want to so bad, I never will.   But maybe next transfer.   :)   I'm still in shuvalovo, but this time with Varygina...   Remember her?   The comp I had in the threesome.   We were both in shock.   And pretty open with each other about how shocked and scared we were/are.   But whatever.   She's an AMAZING missionary, and if anyone can pick up this area, she can.   We don't particularly like each other, but I watch her in awe cuz she's just fearless at contacting.   I want to be like that.   :)   Sure, she's got the Russian thing down... cuz she was born here and all.   But I still am like, wow.   So we'll see how this turns out.   I have a feeling its only for a transfer.   This is my 4th transfer here, everyone keeps grimacing and giving me their apologies, haha!   Shuvalovo isn't the popular place in the mish.   

Kor got put with Sosyak.   They were not a happy pair either, Haha but I think it'll be fine.   It’s only for a transfer cuz Sosyak goes home after this one.   Weird!   She was my trainer!   But anyways, yea, Kor is gone and last night I realized was the first night in a long time I slept without her noises.   Haha!   I told you about that right?   EVERY night.   Did I tell you about how I woke up in the middle of the night the other night and how we were in the middle of a conversation in Russian?   hahahaha I think I ran into a word I didn't know so it startled me into awake mode and I realized we had been talking.   I wonder how many convos we've had in our sleep.   

Last week, we did a really weird service thing at the Hermitage.   They were having this private showing of the underground halls there, for famous people, because there are hundreds of cats living there!   In the hermitage!   I guess a long time ago they had a rat problem so they just brought in a ton of cats and they live there still.   In these underground nasty halls.   Just running around and making it stink!   It was sosoooooo weird!   And they tried to make it all urban with videos of these cats and music and stuff...   sooo not cool.   

But I was up close and personal with a bunch of famous Russians.   Too bad I had no clue who any of them were. My fave was this really Russian, fat dude who was dressed super nice with a long black palto and Russian mink shapka with medals and stuff on him.   He was way funny and joked with me a few times.   I guess he's on TV or something, don't know.   I also met this way cool girl from Germany named Katrin.   She was very interested in the church and we talked a bunch on the phone, but I think someone else talked to her cuz she doesn't want to talk religion anymore, which was a COMPLETE turnaround from what she was wanting before.   Sad.   But she called and invited me out to a nightclub with her and my zone leaders were there so I asked them (totally jokingly, haha) and they freaked.   :)   

I got no mail this week.   Sad.   I’m a little traumatized.   I live for my mail.   :(   My stupid mailbox!

I love you so much.   Write me lots, I’m clearing out my mailbox right now!   Hug everyone for me.  (written April 3, 2008)

Angels among us

OMG, it was hilarious reading about the Russian salads you did.   And yes, you NEED to add mayo, they put it on EVERYTHING here!   Literally. 

The blizzards have been adventurous!   I'm finally seeing the Russia I THOUGHT existed!   I totally feel like I'm in a movie!   It's freaking INSANE!!!!!   The winds are CRAZY and its just whiteouts!   soooooo fun and crazy.   But difficult too since we get around everywhere by foot.   Even if we can take the metro, we still have to walk long distances to them.   But this is my adventure.   :)   After I wrote to you last week, we actually had a couple days of amazing sun.   I would literally sit in our kitchen windowsill in the morning, just soaking it in.

Elder W's bday was this week.   I feel bad cuz birthdays suck for missionaries here, but there's not much to be done.   We're all out of money cuz of mess ups in the office and it's not like we could party in any way.   Haha so I just made cookies and stuff.   

I've become a bread maker...   who am i?!   Yes, I literally knead it with my hands, let it rise and bake it.   I feel so....   I don't even know.   Domestic isn't even the word, I just feel weird.   Haha.   Maybe I could make wheat bread, but I don't know how.   Anyways, hopefully we can buy some flour soon, so I can make some more.   

Easter isn't happening this month, not sure when it will.   But daylight savings will finally hit this Sunday.   

The Bible is soooo X-rated.   I just keep thinking as I'm reading, there is no WAY our world is worse off now than it was in old testament times.   No way.   

So do you remember Dima from my English class?   The really sarcastic guy I love to death that doesn't believe in God.   Yea, well I had a spiritual experience with him the other day.   Every English class, I share a spiritual thought at the end and he expressed to me that he likes them a lot, which to me was a total miracle.   But that wasn't the experience.   We were talking about a bunch of junk, me and my class.   And I was telling them how I wanted to go to University after my mish and all.   Anyways, I don't remember exactly what I was saying at the moment, but he very seriously turned to me and told me to pray about my situation.   Everyone went really quiet, cuz everyone knows Dima, and that's not something that would EVER come out of his mouth.   STUPIDLY, I was like, WHAT are you talking about, this is coming from YOU?   You don't even believe in God!   (I know, I'm a moron, but I just said what everyone else was thinking.)   He very seriously was like, "I know.   But YOU do.   And I know he will answer your prayers."   ....   I felt the spirit so strong, I don't know why, he was simply reminding me of something I testify about all the time.   But I felt HIS testimony when he said that.   It's like he was testifying he DOES know there's a God and that prayer does work.   I don't know, maybe you had to be there.   But everyone was dead silent and it was just a really good moment.   I really do love Dima.

I had something else awesome happen this week.   The other night my comp and I were on our way from the hospital from a meeting with a woman member not from this area.   It was snowing and we were riding the tram, but decided to get off a few stops before ours to contact a little.   We hit a few people with English invites and stuff a?? my comp finally tried to give the BOM to a babushka.   She said no, but that wasn't the point.   It all happened kind of quick, but as we were turning back to continue on our path, I glanced up at the snow as it fell over the street lights and I felt EXTREME happiness.   I SPECIFICALLY felt the impression that an angel was with us.   Maybe I'm being dramatic, but I can honestly say that at that moment, I felt peace that God is always with us, that he loves his missionaries, he loves us.   It was a cool moment for me.   I'm thankful for his love.   How lucky am I to have this gospel in my life!   How lucky are WE as a family!   To know what's up.   :)   We are so blessed.   

The work is really hard right now, our teaching pool has evaporated.   This area is just really hard.   So, the next day, our family home evening situation fell through, like it so often does.   So we contacted and tracted instead.   We gave a lady a BOM in the building that we tracted and she started BAWLING.   She didn't talk to us for long, but looked like she had been waiting for us.   We got her number and are calling her today.   In that same stairwell, a young guy came up the stairs lugging a baby carrying case and a stroller and we asked him if he wanted a BOM.   He SERIOUSLY looked like he wanted it, but his hands were full which is why he was hesitating and his wife walked up and was super rude and said they didn't need it.   So sad, because he looked sorry.   It's usually the men who deny, so I was sorry to see a potential priesthood holder walk away.   It was a good night though.   We left a handout in their box.   :)   

I do love my mission!   I have absolutely no regrets coming on a mission.   I'm definitely meant to be here.   I just wish my fam could be with me.   :)   I miss you and love you so much!   (written March 27, 2008)

Vicka is baptized!

K, you know how we talked about Esther and how I totally LOVED it?!   Well, I’ve been using it as my spiritual thought for like, English class and stuff, and people love it!   Like, how if we're doing what is right in our lives, God will put us in the right place at the right time.   Just like he did for Esther.   And look!   She saved a whole race of people in a city!   It’s awesome!   You can do rockin things when you're righteous.   :)   ps.   was the first chapter of Esther TOTALLY Taming of the Shrew to you?!   I loved it.

I got super sick last night, but my companion totally took care of me.   I have the flu, I think.   It’s been going around, and it hit me hard and fast.   So basically our plans for today are ruined because SOMETHING else went wrong with me.   It sucks how our bodies just FALL apart constantly on the mish!   My comp too.   And all the elders say they feel like that too, so I guess I’m not alone.   Lots of depression too, among all the missionaries, but I think that’s cuz of the long, dark winter.   I just feel like a major moron always having something wrong.   Get OVER it!   I just keep telling myself that.   :)

Cheyenne left!   Her husband got cut from the team or something, so all of a sudden they were leaving!   I don't want to write it all out.   But I’m devastated.   I will really miss them!

We’ve been told that by this time next year there will be HALF the number of missionaries here that there are now.   When I go home there will only be a couple of sisters left.
K, huge news.   Elder S. told me that my favorite girl, Vicka from Pskov got baptized!   SUCH a HUGE miracle!   She's 16 and has been investigating the church for a couple of years, waiting to turn 18 because her parents were against her getting baptized.   We literally taught her every other day when I served there and she's just AMAZING!   I love her!   Well, right before I left, we had a huge breakthrough cuz her mom came to the branch building for me to cut her hair.   Just her BEING there was huge.   She wasn't happy to be there, and wasn't very nice.   But after talking and me cutting her hair, she was just ALL about us!   She wanted a picture with us and wanted to see us again.   I think I told you all of this way back then.   Well, then I got emergency transferred!   And I hadn't heard anything since....   Vicka is baptized!   She's a member of the church!   I love it!   It’s a miracle!

Did I tell you about the service we did at the elementary school?   We went and did this big puppet show with the elders about not smoking.   Kind of funny since the teachers kept going out for smoking breaks.   Anyway, it was a horrible show.   The puppets were cool and the message is good, but the puppets die at the end and have cancer and stuff, it's just horrible.   But I wanted to tell you about the school.   You know how I told you about the hospitals?   Now imagine how schools could be.   It was the darkest, coldest, dirtiest, creepiest place I’ve ever been!   Besides the hospitals!   It was HORRIBLE!   A nightmare!   And the kids go there every day!   No wonder they automatically grow up so hard and angry in this country!   I was in shock.   And I had to go to the bathroom while I was there and of course, it was just a nasty hole, open to the world.   OBVIOUSLY I held it.   Not gonna do that.   Anyway, I thought, maybe it's just THIS school.   But my comp said all the schools are like that, hers was too.   Sad.   

I never told you about the knock down drag out fight we had with an eternal investigator girl a couple of weeks ago.   Her name is Ira, she's crazy.   Always wants to talk with me about sex and I’m always like, okay first off, no.   Second, I’ve never HAD it!   Ridiculous.   Anyway, as always, Russians are really forward and my comp was just so sick and tired of all this girl's junk.   So, in the street they had a screaming fight in which they pulled me into.   The elders (B & W) were terrified and I had to yell at them to leave so I could handle my comp and this girl. Haha it was hilarious!   And ridiculous.   She’s stalking us now with hateful text messages and stuff.   Crazy psycho girl.

My mish is so fun and interesting.   I know that we have no investigators right now, so it's hard.   But still interesting.   I love contacting and tracting.   It’s been fun.   People are just so fun to watch and listen to their different lives and everything.   I'm so thankful for this experience.   It’s really helped me know how I need to live my life.   THANK YOU so much for loving and supporting me while I’m here!   I know I’m being so cheesy, but I’m sooo thankful you don't even know.   So thankful I have YOU!   How did I get so lucky?!   And I’m so thankful I can be so proud to talk about you and our family and use your examples in what I teach all the time.   I'm thankful for the strength I learned from you mom and for dad's integrity.   I totally was giving a spiritual thought on integrity the other day and talking about Daniel and others from the scriptures, then it just came out ALL about Dad and how I'm thankful to have a father who people KNOW they can trust to be honest always and even with their lives.   I love it.   I'm so lucky.   And yes, I brag all the time.   Cuz I can.   :)   I love you so much! 

Love, princess consuella banana hammock... (written March 20, 2008)

Dark pickled body parts?

Remember Ira? MY Ira. She was my baptism girl. I LOVE HER! Anyways, her Mom got baptized on Saturday!!!! MIRACLE!!! We used to teach her! And her testimony is soooo amazing, but she works every sunday and had other issues to deal with in her life. She knows the church is true, so she was willing to do anything. Even if it means a new job and everything. That's HARD! Especially in Russia! I mean, it seemed a hopeless case, but she was just so amazing and willing to do what it took to be a member and follow her Savior. I love Sveta soooo much, their family is so amazing. I had to sing at her baptism (mortifying) and I made snickerdoodles. Way fun.

We had a holiday on Saturday. There are so many holidays in Russia, it's not even funny. No wonder they can't make a living. There's a holiday every other weekend. Of course the celebrating always starts the day before and goes till at least a day after. Then there are the recovery days from all the drinking... which, lets be honest, since they drink alcohol here literally like water, has to be a LOT of alcohol to get all these people drunk. Crazies. I got my butt grabbed on the metro that day. He was obviously VERY drunk, but that's not an uncommon occurrence here anyways, drunk or not.I never told you about my insomnia nights. My gosh, could anything else go wrong. My body and mind have just fallen apart on my mish, I feel like a hypocondriac... or however you say it. But yea. I couldn't sleep for like 5 days in a row and I was dying.

But guess what! You know how there are two secret creepy closets nailed shut in our apartment? Well, one opened up! ... Maybe I helped it along a little, but it opened. :) Anyways, there are TONS of books! I am so sad I don't read russian, cuz they're all so pretty, and you know I love pretty books. I FEEL like I should be able to read them... sadly i can't. But I have learned all kinds of things from what I could read, like all the words for birds and sea creatures. I read some fairytales in russian. Whoever lived there before us was obviously studying to be a doctor or something because I found so many medical books and an arm pump and stuff. Dude, I totally scored, and it kept me entertained for the sleepless nights. I even found two puzzles and did them both. Should I have spent my time studying the scriptures? Probably...

OH! There are also HUGE jars filled with dark pickled body parts. Or at least that's what it looks like. Creepy.

We had sun on monday and I LOVED it! My comp and district leader are both in major depressions. Lots of missionaries are, I hear. Tends to happen to everyone. But it's baaaad.

The other day we had a fun metro experience that made me think of you mom. We had to switch metros and so were cruising through the corridors from one to the other. But we came around a corner and came to a wall of people dead stopped. And we were still FAR from the escalators... Imagine being in a concrete hall and having no way to go back or forward and you know it will go on forever. haha, it wasn't bad for me, but i thought of you. :) YOu would have FREAKED and screamed bloody murder! It took us a while, we don't know what was wrong, but we were eventually freed.

Wednesday we were on the train all day to a city called Vweeborg... i'm trying to spell it in english for you. :) I'm still shocked at how people live. Yea, there are stories with that, but they're all the same and boring.

So, I've been studying all the parables Christ taught in the New Testament. For the first time, I'm REALLY understanding everything I'm reading! I love it! I was reading The Parable of the Sower and it was weird. As I read and thought, I could totally see everyone we're working with here fall into one of the categories of people Christ spoke about. wow...

Something else hit me this week. It's super obvious, but I just really THOUGHT about it this week. You know how satan doesn't get people all at once. Like he doesn't coax someone off a cliff right away, he does things little by little. Always. Well, It's so interesting to me that here, the little things are mostly the biggest problems for people. People hear what we teach them, they believe, they know it's true! They're willing to give up huge things in their lives, alcohol, porn, even living with someone. But the little thing that gets people.... tea. They don't get it. Why can't we drink tea, it's so not harmful... It's so weird that BECAUSE it's so little, it's what drags people down! It drives me nuts.

Also, since I think about you guys ALL the time, (and seriously, the more I experience, the more I know I SOOO lucked out getting parents and a family like mine! SOOO thankful! I love you!) and I know families are SUPPOSED to be a huge tool to bring people to the gospel... but here... I'll teach people about how the church loves families and how we know we can be with our families forever... but it's so hard when they respond with things like "I hate my parents" or "I don't like my family, I don't want to be with them forever" and they're DEAD serious... sooooo sad! Anyway, I'm so thankful I can be with mine forever. What can I say. My family freaking ROCKS DEATH! written March 13, 2008

Relief Society brawl!

Last week when I wrote to you, I was on my way to do Sister Sandberg's hair. Well guess what. She LOVED it! I was soooooo thankful. President loved it too. This week I started tallying up how many haircuts I do a week. I'm so happy I can do SOMETHING for the people here. It's such a blessing!
We had interviews with prez yesterday, and they went really well! I was on a major spiritual high a couple of weeks ago, which is sometimes scary, cuz usually with highs come lows. But every time I'm at a good point I think, no--there doesn't HAVE to be a low! So I was on a major extreme high, right. Couldn't stop reading, so happy all the time, so awake, so alive, more than I’ve ever felt in my whole life.

Guess what? For high highs, the lows are all the worse. So I plummeted. I know last week I didn't sound very happy, even though I tried to. So sorry. This week was even worse (but I happen to be happy right now cuz we just went to Ikea and I’m wearing jeans... I’ll tell you in a sec) so it hasn't been the happiest time in my life. Probably the opposite, but what can you do. It's bound to happen I guess. I'm alright. I'll get over it. I still love my mish and still know there's nothing better I could be doing right now. I just miss home.So I never told you about Cheyenne's mom! She is rad. She brought me Doritos and crunchy peanut butter from America....! OMG how amazing is she?! I almost cried when she gave them to me! I cut her hair the other night and it's way cute. We talked about all the people we're connected with like her son who is my age dating a girl I know from
school and her old boy friend who is the dad of a girl I know from school and stuff. They've had us over a couple of times for dinner.

Then a miracle happened the other day! Cheyenne's husband Haffa (Rafael) came to church! For the first time ever! It was so rad! It was a MIRACLE! Cheyenne was seriously in la-la land all day! It's hilarious because all the elders in my district are obsessed with Haffa, right. Like they all watched him and supported him when he played for BYU and the Jazz. They're like little groupie girls.

Anyways, at church, I walked out into the hall where the elders all stand to greet people and the elders were just staring UP at something with their mouths gaped open. I looked over and saw Haffa! I was soooo excited! I was like, “HAFFA!” And he was super happy and leaned down and hugged and kissed me. I was so happy he was there! I looked over at the guys and they were just like, WHAT!!!!?!?!?! Haha it was a funny moment. Not only because I'm not allowed to be hugged or kissed by any form of male, but also because it was from a guy that they literally idolize. It was hilarious.

I had to go into primary to translate for Cheyenne’s mom and daughter. Then in Relief Society I translated too. There was a HUGE, knock down drag out screaming fight in Relief Society. Sound scary? It was all in Russian, of COURSE it was scary! People were standing up and running around the room and getting in each other’s faces.... And I translated the whole thing! It was entertaining.

So yea, Kop and I went to Ikea today! We decided to last night and I couldn't sleep! I was soooo excited! And it was amazing! I loved it! And we ate at the food court, which was to DIE for! I wish we could go every day! But it took 2 and 1/2 hours to get there traveling by metro, tram, bus and foot. 2 and 1/2 hours that would have taken 10 minutes by car. So we're on our way home and it's 6:30 already. We spent all day there. It was divine!

Okay, I have to go write prez. But I love you and miss you more than you could EVER imagine. I just miss you and the fam and our home and our town and America and everything so much it hurts! But I love my mish! I just know it's made me love home that much more for the rest of my life. I didn’t know I COULD love it more. But I could. And I do. I love you. (written Mar 6, 2008)

John the Baptist rocks

I'm kind of crazy sad, but those times pass, ya know. Our baptism, Rita, yea, she called it off. I think she'll still be baptized. Soon I hope. I just want to see Rita again so I can talk to her. We had Zone Conference yesterday and it was really good.

Have I mentioned that I LOVE my district? 

Cuz I totally do. So, I know you won't believe this, but I’ve been super proud of myself because my whole mission I'm always ready to walk out the door on time. But my comp NEVER is. I'm not complaining, it doesn't bug me at all, I'm just being selfish and telling you that we were late to zone conference because of her. :)

So we walked in (we're supposed to be there reading 45 minutes before, so technically we were WAY late) and they were finishing singing the opening song. President stood up in front of everyone and was like "Sister G, would you please say the opening prayer?" .... Haha! So I ran up to the mic and gave the prayer--probably lots of mistakes cuz I didn't get to think it out in Russian, but cool. So it was a good time, good talks. We got to the end and we were already over time, but for some reason President stood up to close and decided he wanted some testimonies. Guess who the first one out of EVERYONE was that he called on? 

Yup. Me. I was super nervous, cuz once again, I couldn't think it out at all and I'm horrible under pressure. So I sounded like I had just run a marathon when I got up to the mic and all through my testimony, but it went well... I think. I don't remember what I said, my mind goes blank under pressure! Two other people gave theirs too and we ended. Prez thanked me and was super nice.

OH! They told us at zone conference that since we're getting rid of all American missionaries, we're having to change all records and area books and everything into Russian. Ours already is, but it just seems weird that it's all happening so fast. We know who our new Prez will be, and he's Ukrainian! I don't know much more about him at the moment. I'm cutting Sister S’s hair today.... I'm booked out 2 weeks for haircuts. hahaha! It’s true though! On Monday I did 5 cuts and I've done more every day this week. And literally, in my planner I have cuts every day for the next two weeks (except Sundays) :) What a blessing I went to hair school! It’s a good tool here!

My new favorite person is John the Baptist. I had no idea how amazing he was. But now, I have such a huge love for that man! His knowledge of his mission and his faith in Christ is just soooooo amazing!

I'm out of time already... what the heck. My heart hurts I miss our family so much. Hopefully I can get over it. But lets be honest, that won’t happen. :) I love you!

(written Feb 29, 2008)

Dodging trains

Where to begin? How about how I'm DEVASTATED Mitt Romney dropped out!!!! Thank you for sending me his speeches! I LOVE HIM! I want him to be my president! I've never even seen him before, but I could just feel how amazing he is from what he said! I've been sharing his speeches everywhere I can: in my spiritual thoughts, in my lessons, to the elders, at church... I'm a crazy psycho freak.

And I'm feeling the crazy political feelings all coming back. Like, screaming back. Last night in my English practice, it got a little intense, as it did on Saturday's too. Man, I'm crazy. And here I am screaming Revolution to the Russians (I’m sooo frustrated with their government! They’re so trapped and controlled~!) And they just don't understand why we all care so much as to who will be president. They said it wouldn't really change anything... oh man, you know me, don't even get me started on what I said after that. Anyways. I cried when I read his speeches. One day, Mitt will be my President.

Speaking of last night's English practice, my group is just full of men and I love them! I always get so tight with my groups and feel like fam. There's one man, in his late 60s, very normal, nice man, right. Well, last night before my other students arrived we were just sitting and chatting and he was telling me about his girlfriend. He was saying she costs him too much and he thinks they might split soon, but he'd like to marry her, blah blah blah. Then it came out. He couldn't marry her because he's married. Has been for 35 years. This girl is his lover. And she's 20 FREAKING YEARS OLD! He was talking like all this was normal! And I know it is in Russia, but it gets me every time!!!! Anyways, he wanted my advice cuz I was her age... I almost died. Then his son-in-law showed up (he's in my class too) so he couldn't talk about it anymore. Where am I?

On the tram last night, the conductor was talking to me and he SWORE I was Japanese.... Yay... you know I love that. He did NOT believe I was from America. But he was chatting casually about his lover too! What is wrong with these men!?

Transfers were this week. And prez made us wait an extra day too! Torture! I was all traumatized cuz I KNEW Kop had to be leaving, she's been in this area for 6 months! We cleaned the kitchen spotless, got all of our food out and just sat at the kitchen table eating and decorating our new planners, waiting for the call. Guess what! We're together still! I'm sooooo happy! I was in shock and I accidentally spoke in Russian to president on the phone. Sad thing is, I didn't realize until I hung up. Haha I was like "nee-chee-vo sebya! spa-see-ba bull-shoy president, eta chew-da" which means "wow! Thank you so much president it's a miracle!" I thought it was weird he was like "uuuuh- okay you have a good night." When I hung up we screamed and partied then I was like, wait, did I just speak to him in Russian? My comp said yea... I'm a moron.

We have two new elders in my district! They're way cool. G and E. I'm just so devastated cuz K went AP and we've only had him for one transfer. He freaking rocks. M left. I'm traumatized.

The other night we took a train a little ways out of the city to visit one of the members we love. After our meeting, we had to book it back to the platform before the last train into the city left. So imagine us, running down a dark, snowy, Russian, country lane and I rounded the bend ahead of my comp. I saw the train and was trying to decide if I could make it across the tracks to the platform in time, when my comp came stomping through the snow. I could see she didn't see the train, which I had decided by then was way too close for comfort and the conductor was blowing the horn really loud. But it all happened so fast! I decided no way could I make it, but saw that my comp didn't realize HOW close it was. So she goes running past me and all in slow mode I was like "NNNNN-YEEEE-TTTT!!!!" Which means NNOOO! And I grabbed her arm and THREW her back just as the train flew past us! Omg, you had to be there to see how freaking close it was. From then on we just always joke about it and scream “NYET” every time we can, but all that night and the next day she just kept on being like, thank you sister, thank you. Haha!

There is this new girl we're teaching named Karina.... most beautiful person I've ever seen in my whole life! Like, take your breath away beautiful. Elder K found her, or rather, she found him, on the metro. There's just too much to tell, and guess what, no time. But let me just tell you, this girl is a miracle, I love her. We talked for a couple of hours yesterday and we're meeting again tomorrow. I think she inspired me more than I did her. I'll tell you her story next time. Wow. I love her!

Rita is getting baptized as far as we know, on Saturday! Yay! Pray for it to go through!

All I do is eat! Everyone says it's cuz it's so cold, but I hate it! I don't like snow. But we have gotten some sun this week, which was super fun! What it comes down to is that I’m fat. I'm a fat Japanese missionary lost in Russia and dodging trains.

I'm getting pretty good at men's cuts, so tell the men in our fam they don't have to be scared anymore when I cut their hair. Well, maybe they do, but I AM improving. I get a LOT of practice. It's fun.

Love always and forever (is that cheesy?), me (written Feb 21, 2008)

Cochroach cake and Satan sucks.

Happy Valentine's Day! Yet another amazingly romantic one for me...

Can you believe that I’m on the downhill slope officially!? I'm halfway through my mish! Weird.

I had a high fever for 3 days in a row. All sorts of nightmares started happening and every single day I was dreaming super stressful and devastating stuff. I would just wake up in the middle of the night bawling. Luckily, my comp loves being the Mom and took good care of me. But then she got sick, so we were just pathetic and slept for a couple of days. The nightmares just stopped two nights ago. I'm soooo thankful.

One of the days we were laid up, we were both so sick but wanted something chocolate. So we went to this little grocery shop we didn't know existed that is super close to our apt that we always wanted to see if it was good. We cruised in and started ogling (as much as you can ogle with no energy) the cakes and treats in one of the glass display cases. Just then, from one of the cakes crawled a cockroach... Normally, I would have let out a high-pitched Portuguese screech, but being mostly dead I only pointed, then turned around sadly with my comp and walked out. Obviously we're never going back there again.

I looked in the cookbook you gave me and it has Indian fry bread! So on one of the days when we were wondering what the heck to eat, I made some with Mexican rice (thank you for the spices!) and eggs. Freaking killer, I'm not gonna lie. They were divine. But our super clean kitchen has been coated in oil ever since. Everything.

You know Rita, our girl getting baptized this week? Yea, well she's not... She WILL, but not this week. Want to know why? Her whole life she's obeyed the law of chastity, in fact we've taught her twice, really good lessons about it, and guess what. For the first time in her life, the week of her baptism, she had sex. WHAT THE CRAP!???!?!?! That's not all, that just started a huge chain of events that just goes to show how freaking horrible Satan is.

But something good did come from it, I guess. That night, we left Rita and talked it out, and I was just FUMING because I HATE how people just don't have BRAINS (and all of this took me back to other people in my life who just don't THINK! Or they know something is wrong and they just forget or something.) Anyways, we were talking one night and I just suddenly felt so thankful I never made that mistake. Rita's. And all these other people that do it and can't even see what's going on as their lives go down hill! I just felt so at peace all of the sudden, and I cried. I'm so thankful I grew up in the church and decided on my standards a long time ago. It just sucks to watch other people have to go through it, when you KNOW what will happen, and they don't want to listen.

Rita called us and told us she didn't feel sorry for what she did but still wanted to be baptized. Then she cancelled her next meeting with us. Just everything was falling apart. Finally, we saw her yesterday, and she was just pathetic. We were teaching about the Word of Wisdom and halfway through the lesson I just turned to her and asked why she was so unhappy. She started bawling and we had a really long, good conversation about repentance and how she felt completely wrong, but didn't know why. But luckily she was starting to see. I don't know, its horrible to say I was happy she was sad, but it was a good, super spiritual moment because I felt like her eyes (or soul) were finally opening for her to see what was really there, ya know. I just get so claustrophobic when people won’t LISTEN!

Anyway, there's much more to it and I feel like I can't write this kind of stuff in letters cuz I don't say it right and I sound completely corny. Anyways, I am thankful for my testimony. And speaking of the Word of Wisdom, I'm thankful that's never been a problem for me either. Thank you so much for raising me right! I just see people and literally thank God I don't have to be dealing with junk like that in my life. I'm so happy!

Satan is hard at work. I am so sorry right now for my comp, because things have started to happen with her family. They've been good members for more than 10 years, and suddenly her mom is drinking coffee, her bro went off the deep end and is drinking, smoking, getting tats and piercings and stuff, and it's all happened with in a week! GOSH! :) I feel super bad for Job... just a side note.

Today I cut H's hair, then we went to Carl's Jr. for M’s birthday party. He leaves this week, I'm devastated. I gave him my pink scarf and some other pink stuff for his bday cuz his favorite color is pink. Haha! He's the manliest guy I know who likes pink. He's rad. I will miss him terribly.

Anyways, sorry about all that, it's just been kind of a super hard week. Not the worst, but not the best by any stretch of the imagination. And Kop is going to get transferred this Saturday, we just know it, and I'm so sad! And scared of who I’ll be with... we'll see..

I love you more than you could possibly imagine! (written Feb 14, 2008)

Goodbye to a Prophet

I walked out of the banya less than an hour ago. hahaha don't worry, I only did the sauna and such, I didn't go in the hot tub or anything and all the girls thought I was super weird and wanny. But it was a WAAAAYYY better banya than last time, totally cleaner and like, Arabian or something. It was super fun and now I’m absolutely ravenous, cuz that's what happens when you go to the banya.

Yesterday, we went over to Cheyenne's (you remember her? Her man played basketball for the jazz and now plays here,) for lunch and her man Hoffa, (who is a HUGE, gorgeous Brazilian, by the way... good to know where I need to be looking for a man,) was like, "here, you can watch the debates! Or would you rather watch mtv?" haha of COURSE I said neither. Then he offered me internet access on his lap top. Totally tempting.

But we had a BLAST with them! Hoffa and Cheyenne freaking rock! Cheyenne made killer chicken and rice and then this REALLY good flan-type stuff, but it was way better. Hoffa offered us his driver any time we want. That was awkward, haha, but he MADE us use his driver yesterday instead of the metro to get back home to our area, which was far away. His driver loved us and is coming to church on Sunday and probably to English practice too. Anyways, I love them and am super stoked they're here for a while longer. Cheyenne wanted us to go snowboarding with her today.... but what can you do.

I went on a split this week with Sister M and I liked her a lot. And she’s American. I didn't think I wanted to serve with the American girls, but I think it would be a big help for me in different ways. So maybe one day we will serve together. We went tracting on Tuesday night together, and that was super interesting. We went to an address we had been given for a contact. We walked up to the gate and without even pausing, it opened automatically for us. Then we walked to the dom door and a person came out immediately so we walked right in. Weird. We both looked at each other and were like, hmm, think we're meant to be here. I love how God seriously just opens up the way.

Anyways, the contact woman was totally cracked out. Literally, on crack. But she said she would call us. We didn't want to leave, so Martineau was like, I've never tracted before, and I told her I love tracting. We only had two Books of Mormon, but we were like, hey it's enough right.

The first two people who opened their doors wanted the books and we talked forever and they were just so cool. So then we were out of books and went and got more at the building. We found another dom to tract and on one of the doors, we knocked and the babushka quickly said, "come in come in!" and we were like, COOL! The other lady was on the phone but got off to come and talk to us. Ended up the babushka didn't live there and just thought the other woman was expecting us, so it was a really funny awkward situation.

We watched the broadcast of President Hinckley’s funeral, which was really good. I was totally bummed to have to watch four hours of it in Russian, but at the last second, they got an English feed for us downstairs, so all the American missionaries went down and watched it there. I love him. It was a really good funeral and I hate funerals. I think it was just because the whole thing was so happy, you know, so I just was able to enjoy it and be happy too. He was an amazing prophet and I'm sad he's gone since he has been prophet for the majority of my life, and since I can remember. But I know Monson will be awesome! I haven't heard any news about it yet, but I'm sure he's the new prophet, right?

I love my district. I haven't told you much about Elder K. He's my newer zone leader. He's from Ohio, plays the guitar and writes music. Totally adorable, EVERY girl (investigators, members, babushkas, non-members) are all madly in love with him. Rita, my girl getting baptized is madly in love with him. It's hilarious. But he's way rad! So it makes sense.

Thank you so much for supporting me here! (written Feb 7, 2008)

It's Christian Bale's birthday!

I’ve been belting “Lady in Red” all day on the street cuz it was playing in McDonalds. We just ran into all the Elders on the street as they were going to get pizza. Bummer since I just scarfed a burger and 2 ice creams... hey now, don't judge me, it's Christian Bale's birthday today. I can eat all the morozhena (ice-cream) I want. And I will. We're partying hard after this.

Let me update you on Rita. We had our Plan of Salvation lesson with her the other night. I've been terrified and praying Satan wouldn't touch this girl, right. Well, when she walked in, I could see that her eyes were just different. I leaned over to my comp and mentioned it too. Then when we were teaching her, she was just so skeptical! And being so ornery. When we would testify she would laugh and she just kept asking STUPID questions over and over again.

I KNOW she's been talking to her Muslim boyfriend. He told her she HAS to be Muslim if she wants to be with him, so I'm sure he's just pulling out all kinds of crap on the church. Anyways, the saddest part was her eyes. This girl has had such a passion since we met her, and always has had such a depth and happiness in her eyes as we talk and teach. That day, it was just mocking. It was such a horrible feeling. But what can you do? We testified, and took her to FHE right after, where luckily she made friends and talked to other people about the church. And the lesson seemed to be made for her! It was about how Satan is so subtle but works his way into our lives confusing us. It was perfect. Well, needless to say, she realized she does have a testimony and has felt a change in her life already and doesn't want that to stop. I loved hearing that. So we're on the right track again.

Remember the girl we met, the one with the one freezing room that we sat on the dirty floor by candlelight. SHE has come a LONG way! She loves us now. Like, LOVES us, which is shocking cuz she's so sarcastic and bitter. But I love that. haha! Not the bitter part. Anyways, yea, we went one day and wallpapered the room. Totally hard, but way fun. Then we had the elders come and hook up the electricity so now there is light and heat. And a bed! Good times. And now her mom is open to us coming over and teaching any time. And we do. Every week! Service totally works, it's so fun. :) Her brother has been hanging out with the elders too! Shock. Love it!

Elder S. left. Sadness. It’s always an ongoing heartbreak seeing these amazing friends go home! And they just forget about you... hahaha. It sucks. But I know they just move on with their lives. So I gave him a haircut and said goodbye. He was way cool. Elders H and M are leaving in a couple of weeks. I'm being shredded. (written Jan 31, 2008)

"Things that just don't happen, happen in Russia"

Sister Sandberg told me this week at district meeting that she's never seen all the sisters and girls in the branches have better hair and she asked me if I’d cut hers in 2 weeks...OH!

Let me tell you about Rita, our miracle. Remember how I told you about going tracting last Tuesday and how it was such an amazing day? Well the last girl I gave and English invite to, Rita, is our new investigator. Here I am, serving in a "dead" area, and guess what? WE HAVE A BAPTISM!!!!! AHHH! I'm scared to get too excited, cuz I know things fall through, but she wants to get baptized! Feb 16th! She's so amazing! We met with her this week. We got to Fantanka, our building in the city and Kop and I ran to the bathroom. When we came back she told us that she said a prayer in her heart while we were gone and that she opened the BOM that was sitting on the table, and she read 2 Nephi 27:6-9.....Talk about Holy Ghost working miracles! Could that BE more perfect!?!?!?! She told us that she's studied every religion for a long time and that her parents told her never to study Mormonism cuz of what they've read about it...but she knew right when she met us. And she wants to be baptized!!!! She's amazing!
My heart feels so happy every time I talk or think about it. It's just amazing! I love her and pray for everything to turn out please, cuz I know Satan is going to be working hard on this girl.

I'll leave you with a little quote. I might have given it to you last week. It's by Tolstoy, the dude that wrote War and Peace. "Things that just don't happen, happen in Russia." Oh how true that is.

I love you more that life itself. I can't wait to see you and hug you! (written on Jan 24, 2008)

Tracting at last

So much to tell and so little time! I dyed my hair dark again...it wasn't supposed to go dark, but for some reason, it took super dark. But everyone LOVES it! The elders all freaked out! I LOVE it with my new cut and everything, so fun.

I'm super excited at the moment because I can converse soooo much better now in Russian. I know it’s totally the spirit, but I hope it keeps coming and stays with me after the mish, cuz it's so fun. I even duked it out with a babushka about the Davinci Code, Christ being married and having kids concept. I love being able to just talk about anything like normal, you know!

I was running super fast up the metro stairs the other day and started losing my footing and thought I could totally save myself, which of course made the fall so much bigger and extreme. Oh, and I screamed just to bring a little more attention to the really non-embarrassing situation. :[ So I fully fell in rush hour metro time and took a babushka down with me. Nice. I know Karma was just biting me finally for laughing so hard for days after Sister N. fell at the MTC...I've been waiting for my day. My debt is paid.

Then, as I stumbled laughing and apologizing onto the escalator, two men followed us on TOTALLY drunk and one fell on Kop (my comp, I call her Cor, which is Kop in Russian.) The other one was standing right behind me and had puke all down him. So I was praying, please let us make it to the top before he hurls again, cuz he wasn't looking too good and there was nowhere I could go. Well, about 1/3 of the way up the really long escalator, the other guy that fell on Kop fell back....there happened to be NOBODY on the stairs behind him and I watched as he somersaulted all the way down to the bottom! I thought he was dead for sure! But he got up and, yes, puked everywhere.

Tuesday was the most amazing day of my mission. There is no way that I can describe it the way that I would like on here. But I'll just tell you a little bit about it. Within two hours, I felt like we did more for this area than we have done my whole time here. No, I don't feel it, I KNOW it. The night before, I was really thinking a lot about why I've never gone tracting. I always hear it's dangerous for sisters and I’m not going to lie, it scares the heck out of me to go knock on Russian’s doors and TRY to speak the language in order to share the most important message these people will hear in their whole lives. But every time the elders mention tracting, I feel a little pang of something.

So Monday night before bed, I just felt the spirit so strong that we really needed to do it. To go and contact and tract for REAL. We always talk about being better and how we need new ideas and plans but we don't really do anything. Kop said she and Gegaulchi contacted a ton but nothing ever came of it. But I really felt in my heart that we needed to do it.

That morning was very peaceful and spiritual. I fasted and read the BOM and then in the PoGP about the murder of Joseph Smith...I love him so much. So we left and went contacting on the street and in the park. We gave away 7...yes, SEVEN Books of Mormon with lessons. That's a MIRACLE! Then we tracted an apt building and gave out more along with Liahonas and some church DVDs.

We passed out a ton of English practices and the last one I gave to a girl, and she just wanted to know more and more about the church. She’s 18 and really adorable and wants to come to church on Sunday. It was just a day of miracles! I felt very calm and at peace after it all.

That night we had a lesson with a former investigator (another miracle, seriously.) She's Ukrainian, Tatyana...HILAREOUS! Big, funny woman all about drinking and smoking and sex, but sooooo funny! And guess who she's MADLY obsessed with?... CHRISTIAN BALE!!!! hahahahha! I loved her instantly. But I didn't understand 98% of everything she said. The only times were when I was alone with her, like when my comp went to the toilet and stuff. And when I testified. I love how it just flows and how I feel as it’s happening! :) I love how God and the spirit work things out.

So much more to tell and only 10 minutes. We had zone conference on Wednesday and it went super well! Sister Sandberg LOVED my new hair. I gave 4 elders haircuts this week and they ended up really well and I did them fast.

I’m living off of beets. I found them canned! They're so divine, I just eat them straight out of the can...I have lost my mind. Who am I?

I just love my mtc group! Every time we all see each other we just immediately want to hug (which we can't) and just catch up on our lives. I will forever have a family bond with them.

So I went to Finland today! Kind of a whole gyp situation. It’s on p-day, temple is closed (saddest most tragic part, I cried,) I went with 2 non-English speaking Ukrainians and Gegaulchi...my favorite person. But she's Ukrainian so they all just talked the whole time. One of them is my new DL. He’s like a tiny gorgeous wind up toy.

But I bought Dr. Pepper and my favorite Finnish chocolate and was living large (literally, I’m huge). The best part was going through the 50 checkpoints. It’s super hard to get into Finland, but going back to Russia, it was a free pass, haha! I loved the guys at the borders tho. Every check point, it took the natives 2 seconds, and me 5 minutes cuz the guys would all want to see my passport and speak to me in English and stuff. It was super fun and I feel tight now with the Finnish border patrol. I love you! (written on Jan 17, 2008)

Transfers are torture

HEEELLLOOOO!!! :) I love p-day and coming to hear from you and write to you, it's so fun!

Transfers came and once again...TORTURE! Seriously, being emergency transferred is the only way to do it. Sure, you might shed a few tears out of mere shock (I know from experience) but then you move on and into a new apt. But waiting for the call...Pure AD! I just eat and eat and eat and run around like a crazy person. Every time this happens.

This time, I was like, no big deal, I totally know I'm staying. But 9:30 hit and I knew prez was making the calls, and it was to the kitchen for me. On transfer week I always run out of food really fast....cuz I eat it all on one night! But all is well. I stayed in Shivalova with my girl (I love her.) Ganiev my DL got transferred and we got ANOTHER Ukrainian one, but this one speaks 100% zero English...scary. But my comp doesn't either, so hopefully it won't be too bad for me. Then we lost Elder J...oh so sad. He got transferred to the toolies and is TRAINING a Ukrainian! Look out. I'm so proud of him, he's so awesome. He works so hard here.

But to ease the sadness, guess who we got in his place? Elder W!!! Yah! So we're stoked to be together again. Elder S. got made DL down in Pskov!!!! ahhhh! He’s sooooo rad! He seriously works harder than any missionary here, which is so funny because everyone knows he is just a crazy fun goofball that everyone loves madly. But he's sooooo hard core dedicated. He's like the perfect missionary.

I got my hair cut today for the very first time since I left home!!! I love having form! And I went to a cute salon here in center. It felt soooooo good to have my hair done by someone again! I loved it. And my hair is cute. Nothing special, cuz I’m keeping it simple, but cute.

Do you even know how cold it got here last week? -17C...don't know what that is in F but I’m not kidding you, I thought I was going to die. I actually was wishing for death. I actually thought to myself, why could I have not died that day on the elevator? That's how cold it got. My normal room temp water bottle half froze on my 15-minute walk from my apt to the metro. That's...sick. And wrong. It's super awkward when your breath freezes to your face. Especially if you're breathing through your nose.

Finally it snowed, and although snow is super uncomfortable in every way for me, it's soooo much warmer now!!! Yay. And also, little side note. It’s so funny how now I know that scarves and beanies and such aren't just accessories. They do serve purposes. Big purposes. I mean, we HAVE to wear them everyday here. Weird.

So let me tell what the new law has done to us. They are no longer going to call American missionaries here. Yes, we are some of the last ones here, at least until something else is figured out. They are only going to call natives. Scary huh! I'm so lucky I made it in before!!! They said it's just too expensive and too much visa, traveling, and other work to do for Americans to be here. So that's the shtooz on that.

Remember I told you about the babushka who fed me fish the first night I was in this area, and my comp told her I can't eat fish cuz it makes me sick? Well, we went back and guess what she fed us? Have you ever heard of holidee-ets? I've only heard horror stories from the mtc, on. It's cold, frozen, gelled meat. Well, she gave us FISH holidee-ets...can it GET worse? I don't think so. And she did it on purpose. After my first bite, she was like, it's fish and had been watching me. I said, yea, I KNOW. So I scarfed it and downed my potatoes trying to drown the horrible taste. Ugh.

I miss you like crazy! Don’t forget me. :) I love you! (written on Jan 10, 2008)

Terror in an elevator!

Happy New Year! It's freaking 2008! What the heck, weird.

I survived all the guns going off all New Year's eve! New Year's Eve was an interesting day for me here in Mother Russia. We kicked it off with a really good district meeting. I've really grown to love my district and I'm so sad it's being ripped apart by transfer calls in a couple of days. This transfer FLEW by! Scary.

After DM my comp and I accompanied Elder Ganiev and Uldaltsov to a member's apt for a spiritual thought and New Year's snack. We picked up a guy from the branch, Roma, on the way and started our very long journey to the farthest northwest corner of St. Petes. After asking a LOT of people for directions and consulting a few maps, we made our way into a neighborhood that reminded me a lot of Pskov. We found the apt building and with much rejoicing, called the man to buzz us in.

He lived on the fifth floor, so with much reluctance, as always, I stepped into the scary 1 1/2 by 3 feet steel rickety elevator and was followed by everyone. Uldaltsov didn't make it in before the doors shut so we opened the doors again to retrieve him. At that moment, I felt a huge urge to push my way past everyone and just take the stairs. But Uldaltsov was busy trying to squish in and I quickly convinced myself that I always have these thoughts in Russian lifts, and it always ends up ok. In a few short seconds we would be stepping out onto the fifth floor. We squeezed together as tight as we could and for the second time, the doors smashed shut...the freaking doors of doom...The lift didn't move. Someone suggested that maybe we were stuck. I laughed nervously along with the others. Roma tried pressing all the buttons, then tried the door opening once again. Nothing.

Now, until this moment in my life, I had never experienced, and can hardly explain, the sheer panic that took over my brain. I have always mocked mom's claustrophobic tendencies, insisting that they were all in her head. I urgently started telling myself that same thing, because I realized how quickly I was losing it..ahha! I don’t know how, being so tightly encased with four other people there, but almost immediately I ripped off my coat and purse. I begged Roma to try again. Nothing. I suggested we all jump, but immediately they all screamed no. The lifts are old I guess and can fall...lovely. But that didn't sound too bad to me at the moment. I think I scared the crud out of everyone, cuz I didn't start crying loudly or anything, my face just became very stony and white and tears just started falling from my eyes without me moving or anything. (I was told this afterwards...) I was trying to be very calm, but at the same time I was terrified.

Nobody's phones were working because we were in a freaking STEEL box with no vents or anything. I pushed on the ceiling maybe 5 in. above my head. It was steel too. It was official. I was stuck in an old, rusty, communist, steel casket with ALL Russian speakers, and was running out of air... I was stuck in my own personal hell. I prayed sooooo hard! They were all like, "this is totally normalna! Maybe we'll ring in the new year here..." It was two in the afternoon. I turned to Elder Ganiev and pleaded VERY seriously for him to hit me in the face. None of them would do it. I just wanted to be knocked cold, instead of stuck with these thoughts of being buried alive running through my head. I was super embarrassed at the same time because I never let the elders see me cry and I HATE drama and THOUGHT I was a strong person.

I turned to the dirty Russian germ and feces covered wall closed my eyes and laid my face against it. I was trying to find a happy place. I forced a laugh and said how this was such a fun adventure...no one bought my act. haha :) Ganiev suggested we sing and faster than I can possibly explain I bellowed "NO!" I didn't want to use up the little air we had. A few times we could hear people walking by the elevator and the elders would politely murmur, "excuse me, um, excuse me" and the people would just keep walking. Russians can be evil. On about the third time this happened, I SCREAMED "HEEEELP!" In English. Yes, I know I’m in Russia but I could NOT think of any Russian words.

Anyways, it felt like days to me and then the elders pried open the doors a crack and propped it open with a Book of Mormon so we could have a little air. They wouldn't open it further cuz they said they would break the doors then we would never get out. That shut up my cheering them on really quickly. Finally there was clanking from above. After ONLY 45 long and traumatizing minutes, the doors slid open and I dove out, not believing my freedom! Needless to say, I wanted to bawl. I thought I would die there. Goes to show how completely sad and pathetic I am. I couldn't thank God enough for rescuing us.

The man we had gone to visit was just like, "Yea, I wondered where you had gone," when we showed up at his door... ps the sign outside the lift said 4 people max...I was mortified I was such a crazy wanny in front of the elders. They were super nice about it and said they could see my fear and were shocked I stayed so calm. They swore they would take this secret of me losing it to their grave... or at least the next steel coffin they step into. I will never ride an elevator again.

Just fyi, the weather has suddenly turned and I’m terrified! Two days ago plus 5 degrees C. Yesterday minus five. Today, minus 13. Man, it doesn't mess around. When it drops, it plummets really fast!!! They said tomorrow will be colder! AHHHH! Way to ease me in! I guess I spoke to fast when I told you at Christmas, yea, not too bad of a winter...

I’ve got to go, but I love you so so much and I loved talking to you the other day!!!! I’ll write more about my new year later. (written on Jan 3, 2008)

Mangled limbs & high tech toys

I can't wait to talk to you on Christmas!

We spent our WHOLE p-day at the hermitage taking a tour of basically ONE room with the Sandbergs and missionaries, and it might have been fun, had it not taken 15 hrs when we have soooo much to day today! They had us looking at old snuff boxes the whole time! Of ALL the things to see in the Hermitage, we looked at snuff boxes!

So it's 4:30 in the afternoon right now and I haven't eaten a thing all day and I have to go to the office which is forever away then go pick up my pkgs! That'll be my highlight if we can make it on time!

So you know how I wanted to do a district party on Christmas? Well my elders really wanted to as well but Elder N. is like, suuuuper strict and was like, no we can't cuz we can't be in each other's apts. So I said, no prob, I’ll just run it by Prez. But they were all scared said no we'll do it officially, we need to plan it, blah blah. As of this morning, nothing had been done. So we were cruising through the hermitage and I was walking by president and I just asked him. He was really cool about it! Said it's all good! I'm excited, the elders were shocked, but they're really stoked. I'm making Hawaiian haystacks and some other treats I think. It should be fun, I hope!

The only person we've really visited the last couple days is this old babushka, Ryeesa. She's an invalid which there are a LOT of here in Russia. Have I mentioned there are also tons of young men missing hands, arms, feet, or legs? They’re ex-soldiers. It’s sad, but you see them everywhere. My hand does not stand out at all, cuz missing and mangled limbs are very common here.

But yea, Ryeesa can't get around very well at all, she's just this cute little crippled lady that needs someone to talk to. So we were there and she had one of those little rubber toys that you bounce and a light goes off inside, you know. They’re so cheap and basic, but I'm telling you, my comp and her sat there for forty minutes FASCINATED by the thing and kept holding it out to me like it was some new amazing techno gadget or something. It was so weird. But it made me ONCE again realize all the things I take for granted in my life. I need to DO SOMETHING FOR THESE PEOPLE! I just don't know how or what!!!!! The Gospel of course, I know, but HOW!!!!!????? I don't speak the language well enough!!! Anyways, I'm working on it.

We're going to talk on the phone in like 4 days!!! I’m so excited! I miss you like INSANELY crazy! Have fun with all the Christmas festivities and all! I love you! (written on Dec 20, 2007)

Babushka on the lam

OMG, so today is so hectic! My computer here wouldn't work, I couldn't get into my email so I waited for an hour while my comp did her stuff and now my email works again and I can't copy and paste letters so I'm frantic to write so I can go and read the letters before I leave here because they make my life and I’m so totally losing my freaking mind. Did that sentence make sense? AH!

Guess what, I fell again today, hahahaha! Hard. But what can you do. And guess what else... I'm wearing a jumper! hahahahahahhahaha! I thought the girls in the fam would get a kick out of that. Some sisters have left clothes in our apt and today I jokingly tried some on. I understand why the girls left them. So I kept out two floor length skirts and one black jumper, which is adorning me today.

Yesterday was zone conference and I wore all black, which Sister Sandberg LOVED. All the elders loved it too because they knew why I did it and I got nun comments all day. :) I love our elders. But ZC was awesome as always! It was our Christmas one, so after the combined conference (north-my zone, and central-my old one) we had a freaking huge party! It was so fun! We did a gift exchange and W. from my last district gave me a Batman wallet! He’s so sweet! I loved it.

Tell Dad that I've been meaning to tell him, for some reason EVERYONE in Russia is obsessed with Hotel CA, the song. It's playing everywhere on the streets, in stores, in apts... weird.

I never see the sun. My first day in this area I saw the sun, but it was weird cuz it rose, but chilled at the horizon for a couple hrs before it set again. Sooooooo strange! We are CRAVING the sun! I miss it! Elder J. from Pskov is in my new district and the kid is so cool. He brought me two Dr. Peppers from Finland cuz he knew I loved them, then the other day gave me this magic chocolate bar from Finland (these things are sacred on the mish)! His comp is native and is Jim Carey to a T from Dumb and Dumber! He looks just like him in that movie! He's virtually silent but from time to time will suddenly bust out some amazing slang phrase without a Russian accent, or start singing Coldplay or something. He's really funny!

We had some mad drama with our district last week because all the elders are sister haters.... I thought we were lucky in this mission to not have any, but that wasn't true. President just put them ALL in one area... mine. But they talked to the APs about me and so I had a straight up convo and they like me now.

I bore my testimony in my new branch on Sunday. I was super nervous, I don't know why, it's just so intimidating in RUSSIAN! STILL! And I was telling about my fam and I said "strashny brot"... which means "scary brother" hahahahaha but I caught it as I was saying it and corrected myself with "starshy brot" and everyone was laughing. But it was fun and people are really nice and tell me I'm not as bad as I think I am at Russian... which is a lie.

I sat by a 5 year old kid that Sunday who drew page after page of aliens... and they were GOOD... I think he was seriously taken or something, cuz it was amazing. I felt like I was in the Ring or something.

The other night we stood outside a metro stop and handed out English invites...not much luck until I started saying, "Free English" in English. Then they went like wild fire. But while we were there a babushka who was selling things near us, which is totally normal, was for some reason taken by the police. Suddenly there were tons of policemen and cars and we were like, uhhhh, should we be here in the middle of this? The funny thing was, I watched while the bab yelled and yelled then right when the officers turned their back to talk she took off running so fast it wasn't even funny. I watched her book it all the way to a church and hide inside. It was entertaining and they didn't catch her.

let me tell you what I heard: Missionaries who serve English speaking go home knowing the gospel amazingly. Spanish speaking missionaries go home knowing the language perfectly. Russian speakers.... they go home way more humble.....haha! Somehow that doesn't feel fair.... :)

I love you all so much! (written on Dec 13, 2007)

Finland = Heaven

I am not in the best mood right now cuz it took us like 5 hours of our p-day to find this internet place and for some reason I have no money on my msf card so today isn't the greatest that it could be. But what can you do? Move on. :)

I'm loving my new comp! She's from Siberia, her name is Olga Koribrenikova and she's 24. I love her! She speaks zero English, but shockingly (maybe not to you) that hasn't stopped me from talking nonstop. :) We seriously have never had a silent moment, we just talk and talk and talk. The gift of tongues has kicked in at this time, and in that I mean that she understands me somehow and I have no clue how it's working. :) We seriously stay up late talking every night and just talk all day to each other on the street. I've never talked so much to a companion, and all the other ones spoke ENGLISH! Haha! When she prays she always thanks God for making her beautiful, which I love, haha. So anyways, we're having fun!

This area was dead, zero investigators and now, in one week we got one amazing one and a few more good potentials. I've cut a few people's hair and all is going swimmingly. For some reason, this transfer, I’m not scared at all to talk. Like, in Russian. I don't know ANYTHING, but I’ve somehow lost the fear. I LOVE it! I'll just be chillin in a discussion and the person will start yelling or crying and chatting 50 thousand miles a minute, and I have no prob just jumping in and saying something about what I THINK they're talking about, just whatever I feel. Somehow it works out. It's so fun!!!!

So my hair isn't bad at all to me anymore, I love it cuz everyone else loves it. Nobody believes that I’m not Russian, even after I talk to them, they're still like, "really? You’re so Russian."

I like my new branch. It’s actually near where I used to live and we were there all the time. My new area is called Shivalova, and it's north of center. It takes like 20 minutes on the metro to get back to center, so not far. Our place is about a 15-minute walk to the metro, and I like our apt. We had to live without a shower all week cuz the landlord was fixing SOMETHING on it, but what can you do. It took me back a little bit to Pskov, but at least I didn't have to BOIL water.

We have this mysterious closet in our apt that's nailed shut. I think there is a dead body or something, maybe preserved cuz I don't smell anything, but something is fishy there. :)

Elder J from my first district in Pskov is in my district here and he went to Finland to the temple the other day and brought me back dr. pepper.... aw! I love him! How sweet was that! He said he knew I loved it, so he bought me some. :) Finland has everything that’s the best. Like if it's from Finland in a store here, it's the most expensive and for sure the best and safest. I swear, Finland must be like heaven. Everyone talks like it is. And like I said before, I know we will speak Finnish in heaven, it's GORGEOUS!

We went to FHE where I used to when I was in center this week and guess who came! The boys from my English class! They miss me! hahaha! I was SOOOO excited! I don't know why none of the elders are working with them, they're AWESOME! We played games and they said they're coming next week too, so I was stoked.

The other night we were out on the street forEVER and my feet were on FIRE! I felt like I was walking on ice and it was just burning my feet! My boots are horrible for such cold weather, so I got some REALLY good ones yesterday. They're just plain black, very simple, but I think they're classy. I'm sooooo thankful, I’ve been dying.

I met a girl at my new branch named Shayanne, TOTALLY from San Diego!!! We freaked out and are attached at the hip now at church. I love her! I guess her man is from Brazil, he used to play for the Utah Jazz b-ball team but now he plays for the St. Pete's team here. They're in Greece right now for a game. She's the coolest chick ever and I knew immediately she was from sd cuz of the way she talked. So we love each other and I’m her new translator at church cuz she speaks zero Russian.

The other day we taught a teenage girl in one of these communal living places, which are so common here, it's weird. But we had to teach on an icy floor by candle light because they have a 10 x 10 room (no joke), no lights, no furniture, nothing. It’s weird cuz I keep on meeting people and being like, they're totally normal, but then when I see how they live, it's crazy to me. She lives there with her mom and bro.

Okay, I love you with every fiber of my being! Even more! (written on Dec 6, 2007)